Archive for the ‘Dear Mr King (Comedy Q&A)’ Category

House for Sale in Stretford

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
I have a house for sale in Stretford and it is not selling. It has been on the market for 5 months and only had about 2 viewings. My neighbour who went with the expensive agent up the road has had loads of viewings and has sold the house in about a month. He can afford the expensive agent because he is a bit flash and bragged recently about spending £20,000 on a new kitchen and bathroom. I updated my house in 1966 just in time for the World Cup Final and it is still going strong. They just don’t build ‘em like they used to. I am asking £5,000 more than my neighbour but I have a garage that my father installed just after the war (it even had electricity installed). My neighbour has one of those horrible concrete and pebble-dash things with an up and over door whereas mine has craftsman installed wooden doors. My father last painted the garage in 1947 and still looks great.

Gordon.

Gordon, I suggest that you wait approximately 5 years. Then get 5 Estate Agents round to provide you with a market appraisal of your property. Hopefully with several years appreciation, a strong pound, a good head wind you will achieve the price that you are hoping for.

My Agent Wants Me To Leave Him With A Key

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
My Estate Agent in Stretford wants me to leave him with a key whilst I am on holiday so that he can do viewings. I don’t like the idea of the agent snooping around my house while I am not there.

George

George,

 I am puzzled. Why is it OK for your agent to snoop around your property when you ARE there?

My Agent Wants to Lower my House Sale Price

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
I have a house for sale in Urmston which I think is worth more than the estate agent thinks it is. They put it on the market 14 weeks ago at the price I wanted and it has not sold. I instructed another agent as a joint agent 8 weeks ago and still no offers and only a few viewings. The agents are trying to get me to lower the price. I think it’s just the estate agents trying to get the price dow because they aren’t doing their jobs properly. What do you think?

Sam

Sam, I don’t go to your place of work and tell you how to sweep the floors. Multiple agents have told you to lower the price. Listen to them.

My Husbands DIY is Hindering My House Sale

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
I’ve lost the will to live. My husband is the the worldsv worst DIY’er and has tried to do many things and never got them right. He just seems to make a mess of things.I’ve seen a new build property I have fallen in love with which needs no work doing. My property has been on the market for just under a year and won’t sell. I have changed agents but still can’t sell it. What can I do?Wife of a DIY disaster

Dear Wife of a DIY Disaster

DIY is best approached from one angle, via the yellow pages and the workman section. Without seeing the property I can only suggest two things, first is the obvious one; get a workman in to sort out all the disasters you have created and secondly drop your price considerably by 10-15% of the asking price and that will spark more interest in your property.

The general rule is everything will sell for the right price. Have a word with your Estate Agent and ask if they can recommend a decent workman, usually they will have a handyman working for them or can point you in the right direction. Finally, chuck away all your husbands DIY equipment and buy him some golf clubs.

Apartment in Manchester City Centre

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007
My apartment in Manchester is a fabulous home, and I now have to move due to a job relocation. My favorite colour is Pink and my whole apartment is painted in different shades of this, I love it, it’s fully accesorised and looks great, however it hasn’t sold. After 2 months I am getting worried, the deadline for me to move is getting nearer and I have seen a property I want to buy. What can I do?Cindy

Cindy

It’s admirable that you have created a home for yourself that you love, however you have made your property very individual and this is costing you a buyer. Neutralise your home, de-accessorise and paint it cream and white.

You are isolating yourself from a huge chunk of purchasers. If you were a bloke into rugby and beer, would you buy a Barbie pink flat? I very much doubt it.  Although…. some of the guys I used to play Rugby with may just be interested. I will drop them an email.

You’ve seen the property programmes, you can’t switch the TV on without having a head on collision with a designer painting a home various shades of white or beige. They do it for a reason, it works! Just console yourself that your next home is waiting to have your unique design scheme.


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